I never get sick, unless it's the stomach flu and then my body's on that like a fat kid on a buffet. I haven't been to the doctor since the 8th grade when I graced Dr King's office with my weird growth. I had staph. It was gross. I was in Hawaii when I found out it was staph and the poor girls at the pharmacy were afraid to get to close to me because my prescription was 1000mg of something that kills gross living stuff. Large amounts of green and white toothpaste like puss came out of it and it wouldn't stop flowing. I know that this is gross but at the same time, it was kinda cool. Granted, I had to remain seated the whole time for fear that I would pass out but after it was all out, I felt like a million bucks. Anywho.
So when I had to have a TB test for the nursery I work at on Monday, I obviously assumed that since my luck with the exotic diseases that no one has, I would have TB. I had no idea what TB was and some co workers claimed that I would be coughing up blood if I had it. I coughed in my hand, no blood. I'm good and figured I was safe. I make an appointment with the nurse and she injects this 'test' under a patch of skin on my arm. It doesn't hurt, it just looks like a weird mosquito bite. It goes down by the time that lunch is over and all is well. On Wednesday when I am suppose to have my test read, I am chatting with some co workers and I show the spot where my TB test was given. It is red and has a bit of a bump. Robin, who has had a TB test, explains that her's was not red and not raised. Great. I have TB.
I roll into the nurses office at 11:30 sharp, anxious to hear my fate. She lifts my sleeve and says that I'm good. She says that a normal TB test will show a raised place (which I have) and will be red (which it is). I ask her if she is seeing what I'm seeing. She laughs the polite laugh that people give when you've just made them feel like an idiot. The nurse explains that mine is just skin irratation. 'Okay' I say and I realize that it's actually me who's the idiot and I'm on my merry little way TB free.
I get back to work and my 2 of my 3 most favorite co workers Robin and Nancy are conversing in Robin's office. They ask me how it goes and I begin my dramatic performance.
N&R: Hey! Wanna get some lunch?
Me: Naw, I'm just gonna eat my salad at my desk
N: Well can we join you?
Me: Rock on
R: So how was your TB test?
Me: (in a very dramatic voice) Yeah, I have TB. I have TB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
N&R: Shut up!!! No you don't.
Me: I'm serious! Me,who never gets colds but gets freaking staph and TB
R: You're such a liar!!!! You would be coughing up blood!!!
Me: Apparently I'm in the beginning stages of it and that comes later on. That's why the test was only a "little" positive according to the nurse.
N&R: Shut up, you are full of it.
Me: I'm not kidding. I'm freaking out. I had to have a shot in my ass, and they gave me a freaking $80 prescription that I'll um, pretty much have to take for the rest of my life.
Now, by this time I can tell that they are just on the vurge of believing me so I keep going
N: (Backing up a bit) Well if you have TB aren't you contagious?
Me: No, they gave me the shot for today and as long as I take my antibotics I'm good. (word vomit coming out of my ass)
R: So what are they going to do? Oh my gosh, I can't believe you have TB.
Me: I know, me either. It's crazy. But really, I so don't have it.
N&R: You suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part is that Ryan, my 3rd fav co worker, comes to my desk the next day and sits down with a very concerned look on his face. I ask him what's wrong and he asks me if I have TB. I tell him no, that I was joking around with Nancy and Robin and they believed me. He says very relieved because he hadn't heard the 'just kidding' part. I'm laughing about this later making fun of Ryan and what a douche he is for believing that I really had the TB. He then starts laughing AT ME revealing that he had heard the 'just kidding' part but that he wanted to be a punk and make me believe that he had spent a day thinking I had the nasty funk TB. Nice.