I worked with one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen in my entire life at a makeup counter after college. She was from Romania with this beautiful long hair, thin body and huge boobs. She was perfect. Anywho. We became friends and started eating together at lunch. One day I was watching her chew her food-because even this was beautiful-and I noticed that she had a beautiful set of chompers. She reveals to me very secretivly that she has veneers on her top 8 teeth. Right then and there I decided that I too must have this perfect set of teeth. She precedes to tell me that it's only a meer $675 a tooth. Now, granted this was 6 years ago but still, that's hella expensive so I can only image what they are now. We get back to the counter and I call her dentist right away and schedule an appointment for the following week. It is a free consultation so what the heck?
A week later I drive the 30 minutes to his office and patiently wait for my consultation. I've done the math in my head (not really, it was on a calculator) and I've decided that I do not want to have more than 4 done because I don't need more than that and the total is $2700 plus tax and bleaching and anything else that the magic tooth dr wants to throw in.
I am led into this room and shown about 1000 pictures of folks with some nasty ass teeth before and then a Courtney Cox smile afterwards. I'm sold. I don't care if I have to pay on these forever, I'm getting a new smile. I ask the receptionist/picture showing lady named Nancy if I can do 4 teeth.
Nancy: "Ooooo, he normally does 6 to 8"
Me: "um, well, don't really want to do anymore than that" (because I make $9 an hour and drive an 88 truck)
Nancy: "we will just have to ask him"
Enter hottie dentist
Hottie: "hello amanda, lets see what we have here….(inspects teeth)….yeah, lets do 4" (and I piss myself) and let's get you started on the bleaching trays as well.
Rock on. So to make a long story short, it required 8 shots, a few hours worth of drilling, trying to answer questions without drooling all over yourself and one sore mouth. Hottie dentist gave me my 'temporary' teeth which were a little like those fake teeth that you wear for halloween and told me not to bite into anything for a month and then I could come back and get my 'real' ones. Exactly a month later, I was back in the chair and staring and my new teeth…in a velvet box. They were beautiful. Hottie put them on with tender loving care and off I went owing a little more than $3000 for this new me.
This obsession with teeth progressed from here. I would only use an electric toothbrush and I religiously flossed and brushed 2 times a day and also bleached my teeth for 4 hours every 6 months. To this day, I cannot even date anyone with bad teeth. It is the first thing that I look at and I know it sounds extremely shallow, but I will end the conversation for fear that my staring at a snaggle tooth will make me seem a little strange.
A week later I drive the 30 minutes to his office and patiently wait for my consultation. I've done the math in my head (not really, it was on a calculator) and I've decided that I do not want to have more than 4 done because I don't need more than that and the total is $2700 plus tax and bleaching and anything else that the magic tooth dr wants to throw in.
I am led into this room and shown about 1000 pictures of folks with some nasty ass teeth before and then a Courtney Cox smile afterwards. I'm sold. I don't care if I have to pay on these forever, I'm getting a new smile. I ask the receptionist/picture showing lady named Nancy if I can do 4 teeth.
Nancy: "Ooooo, he normally does 6 to 8"
Me: "um, well, don't really want to do anymore than that" (because I make $9 an hour and drive an 88 truck)
Nancy: "we will just have to ask him"
Enter hottie dentist
Hottie: "hello amanda, lets see what we have here….(inspects teeth)….yeah, lets do 4" (and I piss myself) and let's get you started on the bleaching trays as well.
Rock on. So to make a long story short, it required 8 shots, a few hours worth of drilling, trying to answer questions without drooling all over yourself and one sore mouth. Hottie dentist gave me my 'temporary' teeth which were a little like those fake teeth that you wear for halloween and told me not to bite into anything for a month and then I could come back and get my 'real' ones. Exactly a month later, I was back in the chair and staring and my new teeth…in a velvet box. They were beautiful. Hottie put them on with tender loving care and off I went owing a little more than $3000 for this new me.
This obsession with teeth progressed from here. I would only use an electric toothbrush and I religiously flossed and brushed 2 times a day and also bleached my teeth for 4 hours every 6 months. To this day, I cannot even date anyone with bad teeth. It is the first thing that I look at and I know it sounds extremely shallow, but I will end the conversation for fear that my staring at a snaggle tooth will make me seem a little strange.
posted by Amanda at 12:52 PM
2 Comments:
i ened a realtionship becasue a girl had gnarly feet. Ugly feet are a deal-breaker.
I'm not as picky about teeth since mine are less than perfect. My parents could afford braces for me (but my fucking sisters got them) but I'm not bitter.
ugh, sorry about the teeth,but you do seem a little bitter. i'm sure they are lovely. but yes i agree about the feet. my boyfriend is the same way. i swear one day he will leave me for someone w/ hot feet. : ) he's always checking out feet. it's kinda weird.....
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