Saturday night Jonathan and I had dinner with his parents. It was a lovely meal at a local restaurant named Cheers. No, it was not a bar really where everyone knows your name, it’s a quaint little restaurant that serves some rockin sandwiches and such. I swear, the sauces this place has, yummmmmmy. Anywho. After dinner, Jonathan's mom suggests that we all watch a movie and she wants something suspenseful. Jonathan and I head to the movie store where we view the new releases. Now, when it comes to watching movies with the parentals, I like to stick to safe ones and by that I mean either (a) one I have seen before so I know what the 'content' is or (b) something G or PG. I cannot tell you how many times I've been watching a movie and BAM, out of no where a boob pops out or all of the sudden folks are going at it like teenagers on prom night.
My first experience with seeing a sex scene with a parental figure was with my mom. To this day, I cannot recall what movie it was but I do know that I was in college-well beyond the years of knowing that 1+1 can equal some hanky panky. So mom and I are setting there at the Behind the Mall Cinema and I can feel it building, they are kissing, hands are roaming and oops, there goes the shirt, oh and they are on the bed and holy cow, yeah, they are poking. As explained before, I tend to crack jokes when I'm uncomfortable. I lean to my mom and began a conversation while these young people are getting down to business.
Me: (whispering) "Mom?"
Mom: "Yeah?"
Me: "What are they doing?"
Mom: (not whispering) "Oh Amanda Kay!!! You know what they are doing."
Now, my mom is not an idiot. She knew very well that I knew what they were doing but she could sense that it bothered me that I knew that she knew I knew what they were doing.
This incident was repeated last Christmas when my brother in law, Jason and I went to rent movies on Christmas day. I had seen the previews for 'High Tension' and thought that it looked kinda Texas Chainsaw-ish so we rented it. Again, no warning, a tape is popped in a Walkman, headphones placed on ears, the main character lays on the bed and slowly begins going downstairs. This girl is masterbating ever so happily and my mother is sitting right beside me. The winner of all of this is that the guy who did all of the putting together of this movie, thought it funny that he switch scenes back and forth from the masterbating and then to a relevant part of the film. Here's Jason fumbling with the remote and me yelling "fastforward" as loud as I can but he keeps having to rewind because we are missing important parts. You get my point I'm sure.
So, as Jonathan and I are scanning the isles of the movie store looking for something suspensful and boob free, I stick to ones I've seen. I suggest 'Red Eye', suspensful and no naked folks. He says cool. Then, out of no where, weird movie store manager comes over and begins talking to us about what is good and what we should get. He chooses a couple and 'Red Eye' is one of them. Again, going with the safe bet of no boobs, I suggest this again. Then, movie store manager starts talking about how great 'Munich' is. Based on a true story of the killing at the Olympics in 1972, has cutie dude that played the Incredible Hulk, looks safe, okay lets get this one, and off we go with the movie.
The movie begins and its bloody and pretty acurate so we are all enjoying it. The main character (hottie Incredible Hulk) has a wife who is about 7 months pregnant and he has been asked to lead the group that is going to seek revenge on the killers of the Olympians. Well, I guess that Spielberg was trying to portray the humanity of the group because 30 minutes into the movie, he is humping and a pumping with his pregnant wife. I don't feel so bad about this scene because 1) they are married so it's allowed and 2) they are both clothed with the sheet ever so slightly placed to cover the unmentionables. Okay, made it past that one. Next, a chick is hitting on him in the bar and blah blah blah and I'm hoping that he's going to be a good guy and not cheat and he doesn't. Okay good, close call. A few scenes later, Hottie Hulk's co worker is found on the bed all nudity patooty with some shadows in all the right places but let's be honest, we all know where each other's a looking. Next, the chickie doing all the hitting on the married man begans to undress and out pop boobies (I admit, they were nice and I could deal with Jonathan seeing them, but not his parents) and then she falls into a chair wearing nothing but 3 bullet wounds and an open robe. That's right, full frontal. Here is the moment when Jonathan shouts out 'cooter hair'. I wanted to die but his mom laughed. Last but not least, Incredible Hulk man is home and in bed with the wife. You would think that it would be a sweet 'love making' scene but oh no, he is giving it all he's got. Jonathan is laying in my lap on the couch and he sits up and just looks at me for the longest time, not saying a word. Finally after about an hour of this scene, his dad says, 'poor girl' and I want to die again. All I can do now is just pray that this movie is ending and there will be no more talk of the boobies and the horizontal tango.
We get in the car to leave and I ask Jonathan why the cute looking at me during that scene. He replies with a chuckle, "I just get so embarrassed watching scenes like that with my parents." Yeah, me too.